Underwhelmed/Overwhelmed

 In a corner, I think and listen.

Trying to plan and trying to relax.
Trying to do and trying to be seen.
I shout. It's quiet.

All of my ideas are open in unorganized windows.
Thousands of tabs with myriad icons representing the sites I'm neglecting.
Sometimes I shut it all down. It makes me scream inside wondering what I'll miss.
What if?

Did I remember to file that?
Will I have time to write this in a way that I'll love and when its done, will I want to share it?
What if I said the wrong thing and everyone hears it?
What if I didn't ask the right question and miss the opportunity to pull vital information from someone I'm communing with?
Are my mistakes myself?
Are the things I forget to do a sign of how much I care?

I want to be seen as the person I want to be, but I often doubt that my efforts equal my intentions.
What if all I'm doing is staying busy to fool everyone that I'm important?
How can I accomplish anything that'll satisfy me?
Who will care and when will it happen and, when it does, is it going to be precious enough to me that I can simply keep it to myself or will I have to broadcast it like I do every other minute detail in my life?

I draw a picture of myself in colors I've never dreamt were real.
That's how I want to be seen: unique.
How unreal. Is anyone truly one of a kind?

It's not a person, but a coin with many details etched into its faces.
It has two. I have many, but really one and I want to be seen.

It's all too much.

It's never enough.

My cat is on my lap asking for attention that I'm not sure I can afford to give her.

Her mewing tells me that if I don't take action now, she will perish and I believe her.

Sometimes the world is as simple as cuddles and purrs.

Sometimes the cat is me or everyone I love and cherish.

Meowing and pawing lovingly as I pull down my hood in an effort to focus and prove myself to people I don't know.